Luke 24:41

41 Still they stood there in disbelief, filled with joy and wonder. Then he asked them, “Do you have anything here to eat?”

I’m sitting in my Fight or Fight muscle shirt, sweating to the Thailand heat, rocking out to Mumford and Sons on my stereo – thinking about walking with God, and why it can sometimes feel so hard. Why all the striving?

I used to blog. Twice actually. So, for those of you who enjoy my musing, then you’ll be pleased to know that I’m going to try again. But for those of you who think this is might just be another failed attempt at having a successful blog, then to you, I hope you’re right. This will be the no-striving blog.

When I used to have the Wandering Leader blog I tried to make it perfect. I read Michael Hyatt’s book “Platform” to get myself set up and heading in the right direction. While in and of itself, it’s a great book, it isn’t for where I’m at, or where God wants me to be. Emphasis on the me. Maybe it’s where you need to be, and if so, check it out.

I tried to follow everything Michael taught about blogging and having a “presence” on the web. I tried to post regularly, I tried to build my blog posts with a catchy title, a interesting opening, two or three simple main points, an application, and then a consistent sign off. I tried to keep my blog posts all within 350-500 words, never going over the 500 word mark – heaven forbid I waste someone’s valuable time. I tweeted about my blog posts, and then went and found tweets with similar tags or hashtags and then liked and followed those people – which usually leads to a like and follow back. My “platform” grew, my twitter following grew, and my stress and displeasure of writing blog posts also grew.

What’s with all the striving, son?

The number of times the Father gently whispers these words to me. What’s with all the striving? I so often run around like a madman trying to live a Christian life, and sometimes I’m way too busy doing cool things for Jesus, to even remember to talk to him or hang out with him.

I remember a time last year where I sat down to write in my journal – a discipline that is so precious to me, that I don’t do nearly often enough. I was journalling my way through some heavy stuff when suddenly I was jolted back to reality when a friend of mine plopped himself down in the chair across the table from me at the coffee shop. As I entered into his story, I was dragged out of my journalling, my heart work, and slowly dragged into chaos. My day – correction, my whole week – was hijacked from that moment. It turned into a constant running around, it went from one fire to another, trying to put them out – it was running on fumes for the remainder of that week. Finally on Sunday I found some time to break away and return to my journal.

I sat down with Jesus – a cappuccino on the table in front of me – and I started to “vent” in my journal about how my week had disappeared, how I had all these things I wanted to “work through” with Jesus, and a (literal) list of “heart-work” that I needed to accomplish. I did my venting and listing and then asked Jesus what he thinks and – in typical Jesus fashion – he says back to me, “mmm, that cappuccino smells so good.

Don’t you just love how disrupting he can be? I am in this frantic pace, and come to him with this list of things we need to fix, heal, restore, cast out, etc. and when I finally pause for a minute to ask him his thoughts on all this he just says my cappuccino smells good. Ha!

I love the verse at the top of this post – Luke 24:41. Jesus has been arrest, tried, killed, buried, and now has risen from the grave. He is sitting with his disciples and they are standing there with so many questions, so much to say, so much to do, and Jesus leans back and says, “got anything to eat?

As Jesus disrupts my life with his casual comment about the cappuccino I realize he’s saying to me that I should stop worrying about the laundry list of things we need to work through and just enjoy being here. Together. Like Mary and Martha fighting over dinner prep, and Mary chose to just sit with Jesus for a while. And as I sit with these thoughts, I just sense Jesus is saying to me, “wow Cowboy, slow down. Just sit with me a while first.”

So I do. I release the list. I release the expectations to “do it right”, I even release the pressure and expectation to be a good Christian. To be a good missionary. I just want to choose to sit with Jesus for a while.

What’s with all the striving?

So, as I start to blog again, I do it with a new heart and a new attitude. I will not strive. I will not limit my thoughts or words. Some posts may be short, while others may be longer than WordPress will let me say. I will not post consistently. I will not tag my posts, or categorize them. I will just be. You may enjoy it, you may not. It’s not actually about you. It’s about me, sitting in my Fight or Fight shirt, rocking out to Mumford and Sons, wondering about walking with God, and why it feels so hard sometimes.

Jesus, I release it all to you. The blog, the website, the writing, all of this. I just want to enjoy doing something fun with you. I just want to be with you. I consecrate this blog and website to you. Show me where I still strive in my life. Show me where I am still trying to attain sanctification on my own strength and ability – apart from your grace. I love you Jesus, come sit with me a while. Amen.